Demented-Online

Fast and Furious 4

2009-04-23T17:53:00.001+08:00

When Vin Diesel's badass driver alter ego Dominic Toretto and Paul Walker's character Brian O'Conner invaded the big screen in Fast & Furious 4, we were left gasping for air. The film felt so cramped with their larger-than-life action demigod presence filling the screen that we soon lost interest in the plot. It's a pity because the movie's story is, well, decent enough.

F&F4 revolves around FBI agent O'Conner's unlikely team-up with archenemy Toretto to bring down heroin importer Antonio Braga (John Ortiz). O'Conner, because it's his job to do so and Toretto, because he's out for the heads of those behind the mysterious murder of his girlfriend, Letty (Michelle Rodriguez). As they're forced to share one enemy, they have to learn to trust each other.

Performance-wise, the stars weren't able to deliver. If it weren't for the truckloads of breathtaking stunt driving, we'd just be transfixed on our boy Vin's stoic acting skills. Hopefully, the next F&F movie (hell yeah, there's another one coming) will have even fewer talking lines for Vin. And since this flick's not meant to be analyzed, just give us more of those car chases, crashes, explosions, and yes, those tank-top-wearing, navel-exposing chicks.

If you want an instant adrenaline boost, Fast & Furious 4 is the perfect flick for you. If you're looking for more in a road movie, better stick with Little Miss Sunshine.

Global Warming as Fact and Fiction

2008-09-22T15:39:00.002+08:00

This paper is written as requirement for the course FILM 220, Advanced Film Documentary under Prof. Rhoel Jamon, MA

An interesting point depicted in the film The Day After Tomorrow (Emmerich, 2004) is the mistaken prediction of climatologist Jack Hall (played by Dennis Quaid) in the possible occurrence of the massive drop in water temperature that would cause the meltdown of polar ice caps that will cause disruption of the North Atlantic current. His initial prediction indicates that the event would occur hundreds or even thousand of years in the future but as he speaks, news on two buoys in the North Atlantic experiencing temperature drops has started circumnavigating, and then follows a super storm that will cause massive destruction across the world. We can view this “prediction gone wrong scenario” an alarming stance to show viewers the possibility of a catastrophe happening without warnings, with respect to the issues of global warming and climate changes, but I found this more of an issue pertaining to a “what if” form of question: what if our scientists don’t actually know what they are doing? Or in a less harsh note: what if scientists can’t do it right?

While I didn’t formulate the question above to contest the integrity of our meteorologists and climatologists, I raised it to incorporate the angle of science that is depicted in the Emmerich’s film. Placing the revelation of Jack Hall’s inaccuracy of data in the earlier portion directs the role of science in the problem. Provided the commoners could have learned on the issues with precision they could have at least done something to protect themselves. The film had (un)consciously put scientists accountable of the problem for misinforming people, without digging deeper on the contribution of ordinary people to the problem. In the contrary, that makes Day After Tomorrow exciting, as it placed its characters in the most unforgiving and unpredictable climatic event to mankind. In one angle, the film has been successful in making an exciting fiction film that was probably made more to entertain than to educate, while capitalizing on the effects of global warming that had probably sent special effects makers and animators harrumphing on their workstations, making the most of their time submerging the Statue of Liberty in ice and filling the city with floods.

Day After Tomorrow shares the typical characteristics of disaster films like Poseidon Adventure (1972), Twister (1995) and Armageddon (1998): multiple plotlines, survival attempts of characters and the showcase of the aftermath. At closer look, the film didn’t actually center even on the effects of global warming and climate change per se, but emphasizes on the characters’ struggles for survival (plus an attempt to spark romance between two other main characters played by Jake Gyllenhaal and Emmy Rossum), making global warming as a back draft. In fact, the issue of global warming wasn’t really tackled in profundity.

The film, An Inconvenient Truth (Guggenheim, 2006) spent most of its duration in the slideshows of former Vice President Al Gore on global warming, the film has managed to tackle on the issue in depth. I raised the issue of science’s role as depicted in Day After Tomorrow and was surprised on how Gore revealed that scientists were forced to silence because the fact “had led them to an inconvenient truth” in terms of politics and economics, stating this inconvenience as reason why the issue on global warming isn’t being tackled as serious as it deserves to be.

Gore presented on his slideshows his thesis stating that global warming is real, and has provided studies to support his thesis, including an atmospheric record that reveals that the ten hottest years ever since 1880 have all happened in the last fourteen years and before-after photographs of retreat of glaciers (e.g. Lake Kilimanjaro and glaciers in Argentina and Chile). He also presented how humans have significantly contributed to global warming, citing the increase of carbon dioxide that results to higher temperatures, as brought by emissions from technological inventions that risk the environment in an effort to further innovation. As reflected in the preceding paragraph, Gore indicated that skeptics on global warming act like as if nothing’s happening because it’s inconvenient to embrace the truth. He categorized this more as an moral issue and stated that if we allow the effects of global warming to happen, then it is deeply unethical.

Future is much of concern in An Inconvenient Truth, as much as it is the concern of Al Gore as a person. The film interweaved Gore’s lectures into tidbits of his lives that direct to the issue he’s been tackling: his childhood, his education, his position in the government. In closer look, the film tackles more on the sub-textual disappointment wrapped around Gore’s mission to educate as he recounts himself how many thousands of times he has done the slideshows with the hopes of changing enough minds to treat global warming seriously. The film depicts Gore’s passion as it tries to open doors for possible re-understanding on the issue.

The two films’ take on the effects of global warming is related but differently portrayed. Although Day After Tomorrow has presented a possible scenery in the future, setting it’s milieu in present time makes the film’s science aspect incongruous, not even fitting the facts that was presented in An Inconvenient Truth. Global warming does posit a possibility of temperature drops and climate changes but these don’t happen in as abrupt as they were presented in Day After Tomorrow. Al Gore’s lecture on the effects of global warming is based very much on scientific findings, with much emphasis on a gradual climate change (yet is obviously happening in a faster rate as compared to decades and hundred of years back). Day’s use of science fiction leads to literal fictionalizing of available science and exaggerating facts to fit the formula of what’s exciting and visually impressive, aligning itself to what a disaster movie should be like.

In An Inconvenient Truth, Gore stated that people should know how to react when the leading scientists of the world have already aired a warning on the possible dangers. It quite affirmed my earlier observation that Day’s could pose as a critique against the scientists’ role in the worldwide calamity. Or in another possible note, is this just the filmmaker’s way of masking himself on his ignorance on science to excuse himself in making a possible blockbuster hit?

With such issues like global warming, the film poses as one of the best mediums to educate the public. An Inconvenient Truth is Gore’s slideshows transformed into a film that has basically made easily available to the public. The information revealed in Inconvenient may appear overwhelming and alarming to viewers who don’t really have much understanding on the issue prior to watching it. Day After Tomorrow is a disaster movie that exaggerated and trivialized global warming. Exaggeration turns out to be an essential aspect that could possibly warn viewers for the future but at the same time amaze them with the latest visual effects that in turn will contrast to what it is supposed to prove. There is big line between educating and entertaining, and in watching Day After Tomorrow, no one will leave the theater bruised.

UP won! UP won!

2008-09-22T15:35:00.002+08:00

Note: Originally posted in my multiply site.

Wala lang. Natuwa lang talaga ako. Ngayon lang ako naka-feel ng goosebumps sa panonood ng isang cheerdance competition (at in fairness, sa TV lang ako nanood). Sobrang laki ng respeto ko sa Pep Squad, aaargh!! Hindi ko alam kung paano ko iqu-qualify ang katuwaan ko after i-announce ang UP as winner.

Natuwa ako dahil pinakita ng UP Pep Squad na maraming mukha ang mga bagay. Ang cheerdancing ay hindi nakakahon lamang sa traditional na cheerdancing: mga nakataling mahahabang buhok, mga makukulay at makikintab na costumes, mga pompoms at iba pa.Hindi lang sila sumasayaw, hindi lang nila pinapakita na kaya nilang tumambling o maitapon sa ere na parang hindi nasasaktan. Pinakita nilang ang cheerdancing ay isang uri ng art: isang bagay na PINAG-IISIPAN. UP Pep didn't just cheer ... they told a story.

Photo Courtesy: Teresa Barrozo

Postmodern ang routine na ito ng UP Pep. Kung hindi naisip ng iba na pwedeng iincorporate ang ethnic/tribal theme sa cheerdancing, naipakita nilang pwede, at hindi sila titigil, hindi mapapagod upang pakitaan tayo ng bago. At isinasakatawan ng Pep ang sangka-UPian bilang mga matatapang at matatalinong tao: It takes one to be courageous enough to break a tradition. At ito ang pinakita ng UP Pep. At tulad ng iba ... proud ako bilang isang Maroon .

Ito pala ang scores:

UP 93.30
UST 85.27
FEU 83.96

ADMU 83.81
AdU 81.04
UE 72.89
DLSU 70.07
NU 68.3

CONGRATULATIONS ULIT!

sa mga hindi nakapanood ito ang video, courtesy of you tube.

Of Shrimps and Acceptance

2008-09-22T13:04:00.001+08:00

There is something kinky with KFC's television commercial for its newest product, the Shrimp Surfers. The fact that KFC is popular for its fried chicken (and other chicken-related fixations), including shrimp to its menu sounded out of place, just like when its first line of pasta products were introduced months ago. I have no qualms with KFC's diving into seafood stardom as I am no purist and traditionalist, as I am a believer of innovation of products (despite my ignorance to market research shite) but I can't help but feel ambivalent on its accompanying advertisement. Ambivalent because viewing the juxtaposition of perceived gayness with showcasing a product that is "not supposed" to be in KFC seems to be a direct mirroring of gays labeled as queer in a group of straight men just like shrimps are queer in a group of chickens.

Much of my ambivalence lies on how coming out was treated, showcasing majority of people's urgency and curiosity to know who's gay or straight, that a twitch of a voice has been stereotypically refered as an indication of one's sexuality. When they say "we accept you pare" I don't know if I'll smile or I'll irk. Does the "questionable" man need such kind of acceptance after he was put in an awkward ordeal, and was utterly judged because of a surprised reaction?

Or some viewers can see it this way: gays need not hide their "gayness" because the (straight) world accept them now. Is there a need for acceptance anyway provided if gays were normalized from the start?

Not the Time To Be Humble

2008-09-22T13:03:00.000+08:00

I received an acceptance letter from the Reality or Fiction International Conference to be held at Romania's Sapientia Hungarian University of Transylvania on September 26. Too bad, it's too late for everything. No time for VISA applications and no time to raise money. Sob, sob.

Subverting Zsazsa Zaturnnah

2008-09-22T12:58:00.001+08:00

Note: This is a shortened version of the original 28-page paper that I presented in the 8th ASEAN Inter-University Conference last May 2008. It is a critical analysis on the gender representations on the original graphic novel of Carlo Vergara.

This paper is also accepted at conferences in Davao (ACMC), Canada (42nd ASPAC) and Romania (Reality or Fiction). I made a separate film critique which I will be presenting in South Africa on February 2009.

A book containing my full paper will also be published in 2009. Wait for it guys!

And thank you very much to to Carlo Vergara.

***

In 2002, Carlo Vergara independently published the graphic novel, “Ang Kagila-gilalas na Pakikipagsapalaran ni Zsazsa Zaturnnah” (“The Amazing Adventures of Zsazsa Zaturnnah”) through Alamat Comics. To date, it’s easily the last most popular Filipino superhero comic. The success of Zsazsa Zaturnnah serves an attempt to rekindle and reinvent the concept of a superhero in comic books. The brainchild of Zsazsa Zaturnnah, writer and artist, Carlo Vergara, created a persona which no one has ever attempted in the Philippine comic book scene before: a superhero which germinated from a ‘bakla’ a Filipino term for the effeminate homosexual male.

The graphic novel has been very successful. This work raked positive reviews from both audience and critics alike even received a National Book Award for Comic Books from the Manila Critics’ Circle in 2003 .It has successful adaptations – from being Tanghalang Pilipino’s most staged musical (Zsazsa Zaturnnah: Ze Muzikal) to a film (Zsazsa Zaturnnah Ze Movee) which garnered awards for its openly gay actor who played the main character.

Zsazsa Zaturnnah is set in a Philippine rural area where our main characters reside and the whole story happen. We are introduced to Ada, a gay male beautician who is the proprietor of his own beauty salon. We can say that he is a lonely man, depressed by life’s trials of being a gay man and he has given up on the possibility of a romantic relationship for the mean time. Then we have Didi, Ada’s gay bestfriend, much more than his assistant in the beauty salon. Unlike Ada, Didi is flamboyant and outspoken and he’s considered a major element to most of the narrative’s development in the beginning. Dodong is considered the epitome of the real man, oozing with masculinity despite soft-spoken. He is Ada’s object of affection. Then we have Zsazsa Zaturnnah, Ada’s superhero alter ego, a character that emerges out of a process of magical transformation. We also have Zsazsa Zaturnnah’s nemesis, Queen Femina Suarestellar Baroux and her four Amazonistas, who are images of powerful angry women who hate men with a passion.

The novel introduced us to Ada who made a big decision in his life after a lump of stone, the size of a fist with the initials ZATURNNAH engraved on it, fell in his shower room one night. Didi challenged Ada to swallow the stone just like what’s being done in the comics, which Ada did. This has transformed him to a beautiful woman with supernatural strength and was named Zsazsa Zaturnnah, and clothed her (him) in a skimpy, revealing outfit.

The adventure begun after Zsazsa Zaturnnah defeated a giant frog that invaded their town. This caused alarm to Queen Femina Suarestellar Baroux, with her four Amazonistas, who are actually responsible for the frog’s emergence, and decided to woo Zsazsa Zaturnnah along their side and colonize the land and defeat the male forms. However, Zsazsa showed her (his) ignominy with Queen Femina’s thrust and instead agreed to face her to a new challenge. After Zsazsa’s succession of wins on challenges, she finally faced Queen Femina in a physical battle. Queen Femina revealed that the reason behind their anger against men (the male forms) is deeply rooted from the violence that the men did them in the Planet XXX which has caused them their freedom and near extinction.

The battle ended when Zsazsa can’t handle Queen Femina and the Amazonista’s “hypocrisy” on their hatred against the men because she (he) can’t get the point of hating men while at the same time referring on men’s violent ways to achieve their goal for female domination. She (he) revealed her (his) true biological sex, causing raucous to the Amazonistas. He threw the stone away, aimed directly at Queen Femina’s mouth. While trying to answer the Amazonistas inquiry on who is the man in a female costume, Queen Femina’s answered that the man is none other than Zaturnnah. The utterance of the word caused her to transform to a pig with a body of a man. The Amazonistas tried to destroy the creature, causing them to retreat from the earth and return to Planet XXX.

Ada, now with the absence of his alter ego, returned to his normal life as a beautician and decided to move to Manila because living in the town proves too hard for him to handle. In a surprise, Dodong came and pledged his love to Ada, asked his permission for courtship, and a proposal to live with him. Ada, delighted with the proposal affirmed to all the questions and looked forward for a happy life with Dodong in their place of destination.

In a published interview with Ruel De Vera, Vergara indicates his intention “to repackage the gay persona, giving it a few twists here and there, which veer from the way conventional media portrays homosexuality” by “reinventing” the tried-and-tested formula of gays: the stereotype. Here in the Philippines, we familiarize ourselves to the idea of a gay as the effeminate, the cross-dresser, the loud parlorista, the gossip writer – the bakla – thus is the stereotype gay. Vergara’s aim in creating Zsazsa Zaturnnah is the un-stereotyping the stereotype gay, to make a personal attack on how the media portrays the homosexual by using a stereotype – a cross-dressing beautician – as its central character. The fact that stereotypes does exist, they must be represented in a new dimension, away from what the people normally perceive them: hence, and the allusion of a “gay superhero”.

Zsazsa Zaturnnah is interesting because it succeed in making it appear to subvert the image of the stereotype gay: the gay, whom we always recognize as weak but loud, can actually be typified in a strong image of a superhero. Is this representation of gayness enough to say that it veers away from the stereotype? I would like to challenge the author and the readers’ view on the gay milieu and question what way did Zsazsa Zaturnnah, as a gay graphic novel, liberate the gays/bakla? Using textual analysis, with gay and queer theories as frameworks, the paper seeks to figure out whether the creative work are aligned to Vergara’s objective of representing the male homosexuals in a better light. Is the transformation enough to claim that the material is a reinvention of gay portrayal or did things remain only in the skin-level?

A gay man in the Philippines is always associated with his swishy persona, or more the least, his effeminacy. Gays are considered a “subgroup” or “minority” being guffawed at by the society for breaking the norms of the way a “real man” should live according to the roles related to being a male – the macho way. In a specific passage, it’s notable how Ada describes becoming bakla as something that can’t be explained, not definitely a choice but a force of nature and describes his position as “not normal.” Why in the first place gays are not normal for the eyes of many? The issue here is the generalized notion of the gays’ non-conformity to the supposed gender role of their biological sex.

Here in the Philippine context, the most common representation of the gay is the bakla, which denotes an identity which is effeminate and sexually oriented toward other males and that he is a man per se who regards and identifies himself as a woman. This definition doesn’t cover the masculine males who are equally attracted towards men. Therefore, a homosexual male doesn’t necessarily means that he is bakla. The media’s usual representation of the male homosexual is through the use of the bakla, and the treatment has always been comical and dismissive, and most of the times, demeaning, rising up to the problem of the gay’s representation.

In another passage, Ada was framed in a way wherein he exclusively shut the door in discovering more about his identity and totally accepting himself the same way the society has framed him, thus he becames the sterotyped stereotype. Through Vergara’s representation of Ada, he has reestablished the stereotype “in one’s consciousness as truthful, and so they end up becoming part of the ideological apparatuses whose singular purpose is to effectively maintain the present gender.” Ada is a transgender; his gender identity is more closely associated with the other primary gender, without actually the desire of becoming that sex. He feels that he is a woman trapped in a man’s body. His being a transgender is also supported for him being a transvestite, as he dresses like a woman, and adopts the identified behavior of a woman while maintaining a closer alignment to the sex role identity of a female. With the swallowing of the stone, Ada didn’t just change his sex, his femininity has achieved its ultimate high and he discovered enjoyment through his newfound confidence as a woman. There is a problem with the use of my terminologies here because suddenly I realized that I might be wrong to categorize him as transgender at this phase.

When Ada became a woman, can she now be referred as a transsexual? According to Perry, "transsexuals can so strongly identify with the other primary sex’s biology that he or she may elect to have sex-change surgeries along with hormone and psychological therapies.” Since the procedures indicated above are required to refer that somebody is transsexual, can we consider Ada/Zsazsa as such? Considering the stone as a symbolism for sex change, does this act affirm that the bakla has an (subconscious) aspiration to become female? Now I lead myself to another question: is a woman trapped in a man’s body really a woman? Ada’s identity does slide into the feminine side, the gender of the bakla. And taking into account that Ada/Zsazsa could be transsexual is another way of saying that the transformation of the biological sex leads to her becoming a real woman, now bearing both its biological sex and gender.

With this in mind, is Zsazsa Zaturnnah can still be considered gay at this point? Without resorting to thinking that Ada/Zsazsa is transsexual, then we have to start looking at them as two separate entities sharing the same identity. Ada is none other than a male who acts effeminately, in basic terms: bakla, still a he. Zsazsa Zaturnnah, on the other hand, is an embodiment of Ada’s feminine identity but is definitely a female, a she.

In the corollary, Vergara didn’t create a gay superhero because Zsazsa Zaturnnah is not gay at all; she is but a new female superhero whose alter ego is an effeminate male homosexual. The Zsazsa Zaturnnah persona basically becomes a generalized representation of the fantasy of the bakla who becomes a reality in the world of Ada. It starkly shows how a bakla could possibly be empowered by becoming the woman that he dreams of being, a stand which may is not always be true for everyone in the gay community.

It’s interesting how Queen Femina Suarestellar Baroux and her Amazonistas were represented in the novel as colonizers, whereas colonization is almost referred as a masculinizing project, since our constructions regarding to gender and sexuality, have been an influence from the West.The Amazonistas, being the only representative of females in the graphic novel, were portrayed as if they actually aspire to become like men, embodying with them the convention of what is masculine, as it is told through Queen Femina’s statement somewhere near the climax of her fight with Zsazsa Zaturnnah. Queen Femina’s construction of the man is typified as nasty, violent, brute - and she is ready to embody these qualities to achieve domination. Then it just proves the “colonization as masculine” axiom: Queen Femina takes over the land to propagate masculinity, only that the masculine is personified in a woman.

Queen Femina actually veers away from feminism. She doesn’t aim to empower women but she want to isolate them. She neither seeks for equality of men and women in the society nor did she fight against patriarchy, but actually stood for it, through embodying patriarchy through her female body with the vision of eradicating men completely so that she could be able to dominate. And feminism, in a radical sense, opposes patriarchy, not men. To equate radical feminism to man-hating is to assume that patriarchy and men are inseparable in principle.

Vergara created a battle between two conflicting and extreme gender differences between a man who wants to become a woman (who really became a woman) with a desire to be loved and accepted (male but feminine transformed to female and feminine) and a woman who wants to be like man with a hunger to dominate (female but masculine). Despite the fact that Vergara continues to play with the emergences of constructions at this point, he represented them in a manner that showcased how these conventions of femininity and masculinity can lead to our possible misunderstanding of our positionality in this society. Then we’ll lead to the man that covets Ada’s affection: Dodong, who exemplifies the image of the real man. He has the looks, the built and the body to die for, but unlike the typical masculine brute, he is gentle and nurturing. He even asked Zsazsa Zaturnnah if he could have the stone, so that he would be the one to fight against the Amazonistas. The difference with Dodong to other so-called real men is that he falls in love with Ada, without the economic benefits. It’s difficult to understand for many that such kind of relationship will reach to actualization, even to Ada himself. The only thing that would stop relating this event to a mystery is to accept that Dodong, despite his macho physique and un-feminine acts is a homosexual himself, and that no one in Dodong and Ada’s homosexual relationship assumes the role of the man and the woman.

As it has been already mentioned in the previous discussions, homosexuality is simply a question of sexual orientation and not of gender and to say that Dodong is a homosexual yet is a masculine should not be debated otherwise. With Dodong who actually gets (sexually) attracted to and falls in love with another male, despite a stereotypical cross-dressing bakla, does affirm his being a homosexual. The fact that he resolves his love to Ada is a form of “coming out” to himself

To look at Dodong and Ada’s relationship as that of a “real man” and a bakla will fall it under a heteronormative, despite homosexual, type of relationship which is heavily laden with the patriarchy’s gender norms. This traditional view of homosexuality, according to J. Neil Garcia, “is as oppressive as it is heterosexist: underlying the identities and relations of the bakla and the real man is the symbolic distinction between the roles of a dominant male and a dominated female.”

Ada’s unquestionable yearning for a real man that has been consistent from beginning to end thus proves that he’s not yet ready to step away from the conventions attributed to his being a bakla. While there’s nothing wrong with the Ada-Dodong relationship (which I believe is the best thing that happened in this book, despite predictable) it could have been an irrevocably homosexual love and rise as a challenge to the heteronormative.

There is a big misconception that a gay reading of texts is equally a queer one. Well, queer ideology did root from gay/lesbian studies that focused largely on questions on homosexuality. Queer theory however expands its realm of investigation by critiquing, looking at a political stand on anything that falls under the normative and deviant categories, particularly sexual activities and identities. Queer theory rejects the constructed essentialism of sexuality. It promotes the idea that gender is broad, fluid and ever-changing, that gender is a performance: a doing, not a being (according to Judith Butler), that the idea of socially correct masculine and feminine must be dissolved. To put it short, queers are people “who do not organize their sexuality according to the rubric of heterosexual procreative monogamy.”

So, who among the characters in Zsazsa Zaturnnah queer? Or is there anyone who falls under the category? Ada, the stereotypical bakla isn’t queer because he accepts his identity and homosexuality as well as he accepts and lives with the constructs that the society has labeled into his being a bakla. His transformation to a woman (as Zsazsa Zaturnnah) after swallowing a magical stone is definitely not queer, because whether we accept it not a symbolism to transsexual transformation (which is totally rejected by queer theory because it is a cross of sex and not of gender) but of a mystical transmorphication, it sticks to the convention that a bakla dreams of becoming a woman, which is not always the case.

Ada did make a queer act in terms of his fantasy to become a woman when he threw away the stone that gives him the power to be a woman and decided to remain as bakla, without taking away his effeminate qualities. However, to remain bakla, he puts himself again under the category of a woman in his relationship with Dodong, whom he always sees as a real man. Dodong and Ada’s relationship is physically queer and homosexual, taking away the idea that a romantic angle between a bakla and a real man can only be a factor economics, but Ada enters it as an ideally heteronormative couple.

Didi isn’t queer despite his pride of being a stereotypical cross-dressing bakla because just like Ada, he remains on the continuum that the society is expecting for the bakla. Probably, he’s being a sidekick puts him into a negative position in the story while it’s on its peak, regardless of his big contribution on the earlier parts. In short, his character did not germinate.

Queen Femina and the Amazonistas aren’t lesbians, feminists and especially not queers. They don’t embrace femininity to empower themselves but they fuel their aspiration to dominate through inhabiting masculinity in their ideology. Their awakening from oppression took them a different turn to become oppressors and their sticking on the conventions, by looking at masculinity as a source of power defeat the ideology of queer. Queerness doesn’t aspire for domination but of equal footing of the people in the society.

Dodong is a butch homosexual whose character is distinctively queer from beginning to end. Unlike Didi whose character suddenly faded away and left us is his traces of conventionality, Dodong’s character remained a mystery until we reached his final blow in the end, revealing that he actually loves Ada. If observed properly, he didn’t tried hard to keep his manly behavior all throughout (because if a homosexual doesn’t act bakla at all, he is pa-men, nagpapakalalaki, trying hard to act like a man, and is always perceived as hiding his homosexuality) because it appears that he is confident of what and who he is and he doesn’t need to conform with what the society’s dictations. He came out of the closet, despite the queer’s disapproval to the forceful outing of homosexuals (which I agree upon), but since he did it out of his voluntariness to declare his love for Ada, he remains queer.

Dodong’s image of homosexuality is not the one that we commonly perceived in the Philippine media. Probably Dodong must be the one that Carlo Vergara should have been labeled as “un-stereotyped” stereotype and not Ada/Zsazsa because with Dodong, the typical idea of gays and homosexuals as bakla and the masculine as “real man” were broken. Vergara redefined the stereotype masculine and bakla through Dodong that a masculine man can also be homosexual at the same time, without resorting to effeminacy. Through Dodong the complexity of human sexuality was represented.

It's interesting to note that despite the proliferation of non-queer characters in the novel, I can still say that the narrative has led us to some queer understanding.

I raised the point of Ada’s trangenderism which is not actually the point of contention but on the representation of the gays wanting to become women. Ada became a woman, Zsazsa Zaturnnah (who is not a gay superhero at all) but decided to return to her male form by throwing the stone to Queen Femina’s mouth. This act could be the queerest among all realizations in the novel, that by throwing away the stone, Ada throws away the chance of him becoming a woman again, accepting what he is as a bakla, that for the first time, he broke the convention that the bakla’s fulfillment of his desires is rooted in becoming a woman.

Of course, the romantic relationship that arose between Ada and Dodong is in itself queer because physically, it rejected the conventions that consists a relationship especially that it is between a butch and an effeminate homosexual, which is again perceived to be always laden with economics, a factor that isn’t existent in Ada and Dodong. Again, their relationship is however remained ideally heteronormative because of Ada.

In my journey along this research, I found the pattern of an attempt to subversion: subversion to gay oppression, subversion to the concept of the superhero, subversion to male dominance, subversion to romantic relationships.

However, these supposed subversions were again subverted to go back to where it started. When the attempt to repackage the gay persona is actually a display and affirmation to their oppression; when a superhero who is supposed to be gay is actually a woman; when the battle used to stop male dominance is just another patriarchy in a different form; when a relationship bloomed between two men stay in the man-woman setup. The biggest subversion of all is that, despite all of these failed subversions is a novel that actually attempts and aspires to be queer despite its anti-queer characters.

2008-07-02T22:10:00.001+08:00

The Author

David Corpuz is a junior Master of Arts in Film student from the University of the Philippines. He was raised in Bulacan and has lived in Metro Manila the moment he set afoot into college. Four years of college and two years of juggling office work and graduate school (plus distressing love lives and on/off friendships) later, he decided to return to his hometown in order to find himself back (the ironies) but ultimately swore off the office set-up altogether. He is now a certified freelancer (minus certifications) but is still continuing his passion to make films and short stories. Everytime his head isn't in the mood to create new worlds, he creates new ideas via his love for research. He is also into photography and web designing (which he rarely does nowadays, thinking that it is too time-consuming, as if making films is not.

He started blogging since 2004 but he can hardly maintain one. He has bloggers, wordpresses and multiplies (the first two of which aren't being updated), but he feels the need for another website, for whatever purpose it may bring. He detests the fact that blogging is perfectly suited for the lonely or the narcissists, but heck, he maybe the lonely, narcissist or both, he still doesn't know. People believe in freedom of speech and they can say what they want to say and let other people take a peek in their lives, and they permit them. They want to make themselves interesting or oozing or appealing or whathaveyous. That is the mystery of the cyberspace and everyone seems to like it. I am here, for a perfectly different reason, or so I thought.

Look at me. and tell me what you want to know.

The welcome post in a blogsite reflects redundancy in the About The Author Page and the First Post. Of course, everyone is explaining why they are going gaga in writing a blog via the first post. It's the weirdness of the first. It felt that it's a way of making an excuse to the world that you have a life to share and you demand, no, you ask, them for a piece of their attention to read you, because what's inside those letters are more than brain cells spent for a saliva unused, but blood that can hardly flow in your posterior, your eyes that are slowly being a candidate to blindness. Blogging is definitely not your life, but a portion of life you want to be exposed, to be divulged by others, even unwanted visitors.

ABS-CBN's Attempt to Mainstream Gayness

2008-05-04T18:46:00.001+08:00

There's something interesting happening in Philippine TV today. ABS-CBN's latest offering for its show "Your Song" is a story of a man caught in between a girl who's affection is welling on him and the girl's brother to whom his affection is really welling. A classic love triangle bearing a twist so ancient that it may not worth watching at all, but the main point is that it's showing on TV at 3:15 PM where the family is probably eating merienda while spending time in front of the boob tube. I picture this a bold move done by ABS-CBN, an attempt to represent homosexuals in mainstream media by flipping the coin and "risking" what was supposed to be "normal". In a jiffy, the old gay formula in television was thrown out of the window, finally smashing our faces with the real thing. And for another first, the audience was trusted this time.

In this episode of "Your Song" entitled "Without You," Bobby (played by Joross Gamboa) and his mother (Pinky Amador) moved to a new house they bought in Tagaytay. The first scene is a striking one: Bobby stepped off the car with his eyes fixated on the other side of the street where we will see the siblings Jen (Alex Gonzaga) waving and John (Victor Basa) smiling to his direction, both seemingly excited to meet their new neighbor. Provided the trailers did not spoil anything about the story, we could have enjoyed the game of guessing to where Bobby's excited glances were directed at. Still, the scene was done wonderfully.

Bobby's gayness was affirmed when he ceased his mom from carrying his cartons, which we would discover are filled muscle-men graced magazines. We then became voyeurs of Bobby's attempt to woe John whom he now claims as the man that he loves, but he is still testing the waters because he doesn't know whether John is gay or non-gay. However in his attempt to be close with John, he must learn how to be honest with Jen who has fallen madly in love with him from the start. In one scene, Bobby and Jen arrived from a date and Jen kissed him in the lips. A startled John came to the rescue and pushed Bobby so hard, he landed on the ground, posterior first... then goes John's subjective gaze directed to Bobby before entering their house. That gaze can mean any of the following: (1) "I feel hurt seeing you kiss my sister" or (2) "Don't give my sister any hopes that you can learn to love her because I know what you want" or (3) all of the above.

This is an episode where most of the conversations are happening in the eye. And I love it.

Joross Gamboa and Alex Gonzaga are acting gems in this episode.Joross' soft-spoken Bobby knows what he wants but still has a knack with indecisiveness and fear. He's awkward closetedness is amazing and his eyes tells a lot of things. I never enjoyed Joross' acting even during his Star Circle Quest Days, but this challenging role is an eye-opener that showcases his subtlety and vulnerability. He deserves a big round of applause. Alex Gonzaga's Jen on the other hand is an exact copy of a person who tries hard to project strength despite being deeply crushed inside. When she shared to Bobby the guy whom she is attracted to is probably attracted to somebody else (who is actually Bobby), you can see the glow in her
face but still feel sorry because you can sense the hope(lessness) as projected by her gestures. We know that she's just trying to be happy. Victor Basa's acting may fall not at par with his counterparts but there is something natural flowing out there. Those gazes are worth studying for.

I am at awe after realizing that Your Song does have the teenage group as its audience and I shall tirelessly emphasize again the courage embodied in this episode as it tries to drift them away from the notion that attraction between two human beings of the same sex can be possible and acceptable. Of course, the hassles belied on it would always emerge but it never puts the audience in a concrete stand that such type of attraction is taboo, unlike how it was ditched before. (By the way, I refer the characters in the story as simply gays, not "straight-acting" gays ... because I don't want the idea of "straight" as basis for a normalized concept.)

I also like how ABS is trying to market this as a typical love triangle story despite the obvious homosexual tone. I think love per se shouldn't be labeled gay or straight at all as this would only lead us to the adherence to essentialist view of what is supposed to be acceptable. It's plain love. Period. And everyone can be soaked in that moment.

I wouldn't lie and say that I wasn't amazed on this initial episode, but I wouldn't want to expect too much and get frustrated by it on succeeding episodes. But still, I'm relying my trust on this one. What I'm really excited about is what will hppen after Bobby revealed to Jen his true sexuality (thanks for feeding us with spoilers from your own shows, ABS-CBN): will there be an attempt to turn him back to straightness again or will he just remain the same way as he is? If the latter happens, then "Without You" is a total statement.

P.S. Bad me. I didn't pay attention at the credits to give a nod to the writer. I'll give him/her the nod next time.

Your Song is shown every Sundays of May, 3:15 PM

The Dart Eye

2008-04-24T16:59:00.004+08:00

I just felt the itch of visiting Don Bosco Mandaluyong's college commencement exercises tomorrow. This event made me picture myself two years ago: waiting for my cellular phone to play its ringtone and read the message that our system is really capable of its purpose. Leafing through the documentation of my thesis, "Design of a Short Messaging Gateway Technology to Control and Monitor Computer Services with Alert Dissemination and Services Management" is a strange experience: it validates my existence as an IT-professional wannabe in the past. And I wasn't just a normal student then: I aced all my exams and academe requirements and managed to graduate with honors while keeping my post as one of the editors in our student publication.

Two years after, I'm a struggling filmmaker and writer. Picture the image of my parents screaming in pure distress: please do the right thing, plunge in the corporate world and start earning real money. In this waned world where I already gave up a lot of things, even the (dis)comforts of a four-cornered office, giving up something that I already gave up may mean the oddest action now, but I'm keeping my decision. I've already given up a lot of things that giving up my last straw is like stopping myself to live the human life. This isn't a matter of pride. It's a matter of proving to the world that I can live the way I want to picture myself. I can do this, just believe me. I'm trying. I'm really really trying.

***

Speaking of graduation, 15 will graduate Summa Cum Laude in UP Diliman. Back in my college years, I dreamt of graduating with the title. When I entered junior college, I've forgotten about that dream, though I still managed to maintain my grade to at least put my name in the Honors List. Here I go again, I'm here talking to myself, "I could have done better."

I still have film grad school to think about. But I'm in this point of my life that expressing myself through my chosen craft is much important that I can't care about my grades that much (I'm happy as long as it isn't lower than 2.0 ... our maintaining GWA).

Congratulations to Batch 2008!

Downpour

2008-03-17T07:53:00.011+08:00

(For better quality, click the images to enlarge)

When I thought the sun won't shine on me anymore,

it pierced and scattered inside of me,
engulfing me with the flame
that I 've been waiting to embrace
for the longest time
People come in and go out of our lives
Like waves gushing through our feet
They may be the same body of water
but not the same wave
but every experience of water caressing us
is a unique moment, but they can't hold us
for more than a minute and we have to let them
go because their time with you is through, and
you have to let them to the direction they are
pleased to go.

To turn one's back on someone
is sometimes a humbling experience
It's a way of saying, I surrender.
Thank you, still.

Life is an enigma
with paths intertwined you
can't determine the difference of right
and wrong as these terms became subjected
to the individual's notion of what's right and wrong is.
Your truth doesn't correspond to somebody else's truth.
It hurts when you tried so hard
to understand other's
truth because in
the process
you might
lose your
own
tru
th

Words and Photographs by: David Corpuz
Potipot Island, Zambales
March 15, 2008

Nocturnata

2008-02-28T23:36:00.004+08:00

As a trained nocturnal being, I was accustomed to seeing my cellphone's inbox exploding everytime I wake up. Just like this 3PM when I learned that I received 15+ messages from my peers while I'm in deep slumber. Yup, I'm working in a night shift for an outsourcing company as a writer, and it's been three months now. And despite the cacophonies of remarks of my supposed adjustment to the work lifestyle, I just want to raise my middle finger on them and scream to make them understand that my body isn't accustomed to working in an office at night unless it's a shoot, an editing spree or a creative writing work (in short, if it's related to filmmaking and academics). Blame me for accepting this setup, but who knows that I can't do this until I tried it anyway? At least now I know.

Imagine the tremendous consequences of night shift. While your friends are having their dinner, you're just having your breakfast; and their midnight snack is lunch for you. And you can't come with them for the typical night life (Translation: bar, booze, trip, last full show, etc) because the night life is set for you to earn money in the office (not in the streets).

But I have to thank Ma'am Len, Miles, Mr. COO and Sania for giving me my most awaited post-birthday gift. I'm going back to morning shift this March and I'm very excited to win my life back. Welcome back sun!

***

Thanks for all the greetings! I have to commend Rency for being the first person to greet me: one hour before my birthday. Thanks to Brian for greeting me at exactly 12:00 AM; I won't forget that. Thanks to Balarns for taking too much time and waiting for the last minutes of February 27 before calling me so that she would become the last person to greet me on my birthday. For all those who remembered, I am very happy to have friends like you who will exert such effort to see that I'm OK and still breathing on my birthday. Thank you a million times!

Short Film Share

2008-02-22T02:29:00.002+08:00

Browsing through Youtube does wonders. I stumbled upon these two short clips. The first is a great combination of animation, scoring and knock-out storytelling that will leave you bleeding in the end. The second is a technical wonder, an innovation of the stop-motion animation.

Short Film: The Piano

Music Video: Ci Ji 2006 by 2Moro

I Waited For This For Long

2008-02-21T21:40:00.003+08:00

I think you have a natural talent. I'm glad that you knew the path you're going through. I believe that everything you do will go far. I love your way of viewing images and I'm impressed that in your attempt to make a first experimental film, you're really pushing your limits by not staying in your comfort zone. I know that the concept is a burden in terms of technicals but I was at my highest awe after hearing it that I can't let you trash it just to pass my subject. If you can't finish it for my class, please submit it for the film festival. I totally believe that you have what it takes. You can do it.

AM de Guzman,

Prof. Anne,

You don't know how important these words are to me and I just want to hug you after hearing you talking. And the weird thing is, I never expected that words to come out from you. I've already equipped myself for the worst, but received the best in the end. At first I thought that something robbed me off the passion that I almost gave up and almost dropped (Yeah, you don't know this) and I even came to a point of relinquishing the idea of having a 5.00 because i didn't drop. Oh boy, I was wrong.

You just give me the reason to keep on going, not just on this but the other aspects of my life. You have no idea what I have gone through for the past months but this time I have the strength to stand tall and proud and tell the world that I won't fail myself. Life keeps on going and I will continue on doing the things that will make my world happy.

Above all, I won't fail you ma'am. That's a promise.

David

Human Zoo

2008-02-15T09:44:00.000+08:00

The pictures stored in the Photo Albums Folder in my computer has broken its an almost three months of silence after I've started browsing them again this morning. The feeling of memories rushing back gave me catatonia. Pictures, like songs, never fail to reverberate you to your past and hit you straight to the heart. It's not on the fact that you're getting older why you're feeling emotional, it's more on the stories of each single image is trying to tell you.

Oh well, while most of the pictures that I have unearthen has caused my world to stop, some images are so effective that it even caused the noodles that are on their way to my entrails for digestion almost flew out of my nose. I believe every single one of us has his own list of crazy pictures in his photo albums. Those funny, silly, stupid moments immortalized in still images.
So here I am, sharing the Top Ten Craziest Pictures in my Photo Album.

10.

It seems that one of the angel sculptures has been mixed with excessive clay and cement that it became 10 times the size of the other two sculptures! That's actually Joboy, a college classmate. This image was shot during our retreat in Don Bosco Batulao back September 2004.

Another story of resemblance. It seems that Stephen has finally met his long lost brother, Crazy Frog. Oh God, I know they're both happy. They can finally sing Axel F in duet. Let's sing with them! "A ring ding ding ding ding/ A Ring Ding Ding Dingdemgdemg/ A ring ding ding ding ding/ Ring ding/ Baa-Baa"

That's Michael (publicly known as Mike Tan) struggling for his life while being harassed by the "Octopus", an insanely disturbing ride in Star City. What's with the face by the way? Ahahaha. This shot that perfectly displayed emotions of terror and anguish probably catapulted his way to gloriously bag the grand Ultimate Male Survivor of Starstruck 2. Just joking. Hahaha. This was shot circa October 2003 in Star City.

Preventing the Star City events hiatus is this Rency's overly well-made face while getting bumped by rubber boats in the (Sorry, I forgot the name of the ride but it's bumper cars in the water). I remember that I told him to smile for the camera when suddenly an immaculate rider bumped him big time, causing his supposedly smiling face to be distorted in that manner. So sad, that moment was immortalized in memory sticks. This image was shot the same day Michael's pic was taken.

So here's a picture of five men (L-to-R: Cliff, me, Benbag, David G., Maurice) violating the rule of matter: that two objects can't occupy the same space at the same time. The image clearly shows that we are defying the rule four-folds. Let's have a guessing game this time. What type of transportation vehicle are we riding in this image?

a. taxi
b. FX/SUV
c. tricycle

If your answer is either a or b, you're dead wrong. Actually, eight of us are riding this tricycle: the five of us who are in the pic, two other friends (Angelo and Tiu) and of course, the driver. This pic was shot in Tanay, Rizal (January 2004) when Cliff invited us to celebrate with them on their town fiesta.

That's Kath balancing a giant banana using none other than her pointer finger! And it seems like she has no hard time doing it at all! On the other hand, Gail, deep inside her consciousness, is crying, "Oh Dear Lord, keep my friend away from the evil banana." Of course everything's an optical illusion. But it took as nine trials to get this one shot.
This image was taken last October 2005, on Beryl's debut at the Makati Shangrila Hotel.

Call Tyra Banks. We need to acquire her permission to setup a franchise of America's Next Top Model here in the Philippines, only that we need to admit males in the competition for this pic to make it. I think this iconographic showpiece will make the cut for Philippines Next Top Male Model Season 74. This pic reminds me of movies that have references to plants like, "Kapag ang Palay Naging Bigas, May Bumayo (If the Seeds Become Boiled Rice, Someone Pounded Them)." "Patikim ng Pinya (Taste the Pineapple)" and "Talong (Eggplant)."
This pic was taken on May 2004. I told Maurice to pose with the plants. He really posed.

That's my friend - Mike's authentic hairdo. He is a Chinese Afro. Of course I'm kidding, click here to see his real hair.
This pic was taken last June 2006 at Glorietta 3 (I forgot the specific store).

If you are responsible for the make-up of my youngest sister in this picture, run for your life because I've hired ten assassins to track you. This is supposedly my sister's most awaited moment, to be crowned as Ms. Joyful Angels Learning Center (that's the name of her kindergarten school), and you turned her face into a cake!

This picture was taken when I was just in first year high school (1998). Here, we, the honor studes, are waiting for the Recognition Rites to begin. I am the one in blue and white checkered polo shirt (the boy in the right). Just look how mature my other classmates look like compare to me. I was the youngest in class then and I look like an owl with those very big eyeglasses and bunot hairstyle! Aargh! I never thought that I look totally different before.

Moving On

2008-02-07T05:37:00.000+08:00

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road

Take 896

2008-02-05T23:21:00.000+08:00

I wish that life isn't as complicated as filmmaking. Of course, filmmaking in itself is complicated: preproduction is nerve-cracking, shooting is physically exhausting and postproduction is pain in the ass, but there are no revisions of your words when it was used to hurt someone, no re-shoots of actions when you did something wrong and no editing and selecting of good takes to be screened in this life. In this life, what you said is final, what happened already happened and you have no choice but to stand by it and let time pass of you with the hopes of making yourself and the people around you move on with it.

I ponder that despite all the imperfections of taking a single shot, no matter how if it goes up to take 78, the good take is all that matters, and the other 77 shots can easily be discarded. Life isn't like that. Every action you make affects the people around you and despite the fact that you know that you have rooms for mistakes, you will always feel hurt for yourself and other people along your journey in this life.

After all, you are just waiting for the right time when your film is already completed and for fun, you will decide to sort along those wrong takes and present them into bloopers. It's soothing how can you make fun of those seemingly nasty shots before. And there will always be that time in the future where you can just easily look back on how much you screwed in this life and laugh about it.

***

Deciphering why should everyone has to experience their downest moment is a mystery in itself but in this stage of my life, I am already convinced that pain always comes first before happiness in whatever I do. Life isn't a box of chocolates just like what Forrest Gump has said but it is a vast septic tank. And the biggest irony in it is that, despite the stench, the garbage, the decomposing matters, here is where I will find my jewels.

Be Careful What You Whisper Because You Might Get It All

2008-01-31T01:38:00.000+08:00

I live away from my family. I decided to live on my own when I started going to grad school. It's a choice made out of convenience: as I have the option to stay away from people who will track every move that I make. On my own I can do what I want, explore the world as if there's no tomorrow. In this liberating journey, life bombards me with trials I can't almost take. That no matter how much I'm wishing to solve my errors I will always back to the place where I attain the deepest slumber.

I never shared any of my recent problems to mom or anyone but coming home gives me the numbness of real life. But I just feel that everytime I go home, I sometimes feel that my mom always has the urge to ask me what I am going through, but I sense that she always backs off. Most of the time it's difficult to see her witnessing me stepping off the tricycle then hugging her, kissing her, giving her some small talks but then things end there. I wish I can share to her all the things that I've been through, but I admire her for respecting my personal space. It felt so good being trusted by someone who really loves me.

I've always been mystified by that word: trust. The most enigmatic concept probably isn't love but trust. And no matter how hard I crack my head how people trust me for who I am, I won't decipher it. And everytime I felt suspicious on people, especially with the person whom I love, I think I should always look on how my mom established her trust on me... No matter how many times I failed her, I hurt her or took her for granted, she always trusted that I can do good, despite the shortcomings. And I always recall the day when mom and dad supported my decision to live on my own because they believe that I can finally stand up on my own.

But sometimes, I just feel that my knees are shaking so bad, I can't stand tall the same manner I boast to them I can do things my way.

I will always look back at my first fifteen years of my life guarded through four corners of words and commandments. I despised the boredom of life back then. And when I finally got what I wanted, the freedom, I started questioning myself, which is better a life of cumulative pain or a life of pure comfort?

Going home is escapism from the harshness of life I chose. Or after all these words that I wasted on this box, probably I just have to accept the fact that I also miss them.

Mystery Part 2

2008-01-24T01:34:00.000+08:00

It's a reality check that B and I can't be in the Maroon 5 concert because sky-high prices. I don't think it's worth the 4-digits to see Adam Levine and the rest of the band as small as an ant. OK, so we can gang up with the crowd, but I'm claustrophobic anyway so why should I (we)?

Here's an intermission. Let's just say that this is currently what I'm feeling this time.

SAY GOODBYE
NOT KNOWING WHEN
THE TRUTH IN MY WHOLE LIFE BEGAN
SAY GOODBYE
NOT KNOWING HOW TO CRY
YOU TAUGHT ME THAT

AND I'LL REMEMBER
THE STRENGHT THAT YOU GAVE ME
NOW THAT I'M STANDING ON MY OWN
I'LL REMEMBER
THE WAY THAT YOU SAVED ME
I'LL REMEMBER

INSIDE I WAS A CHILD
THAT COULD NOT MEND A BROKEN WING
OUTSIDE I LOOKED FOR A WAY
TO TEACH MY HEART TO SING

AND I'LL REMEMBER
THE LOVE THAT YOU GAVE ME
NOW THAT I'M STANDING ON MY OWN
I'LL REMEMBER
THE WAY THAT YOU CHANGED ME
I'LL REMEMBER

I LEARNED
TO LET GO
OF THE ILLUSION
THAT WE CAN POSSESS
I LEARNED TO LET GO
I TRAVEL IN STILLNESS
I'LL REMEMBER HAPPINESS
I'LL REMEMBER

AND I'LL REMEMBER
THE LOVE THAT YOU GAVE ME
NOW THAT I'M STANDING ON MY OWN
I'LL REMEMBER
THE WAY THAT YOU CHANGED ME
I'LL REMEMBER

NOW I'LL NEVER BE AFRAID TO CRY
NOW I FINALLY HAVE THE REASON WHY
I'LL REMEMBER
(REPEAT TO END)

Salt

2008-01-22T03:37:00.000+08:00

I realized that it's sometimes important to know nothing at all in order to live peacefully. All these knowledge make your life more complicated and confused and allow room for more questioning. I was born in the world where simplicity is very difficult to attain.

***

I've been listening to Taiwanese pop duo, 2Moro, Israel's Hebrew singer, Ivri Lider and French singer, Zazie. I don't understand the lyrics of the songs but I enjoy listening to them. I stopped from searching their lyrics on the net because I'm afraid to get frustrated by their message. I'm used to be very particular with a song's lyrics but this time I chose to listen to them without understanding a word. I chose to be ignorant this time.

***

Love has always been a concept very complex for me and sometimes I'm disturbed by the thought of it. They say that experiencing it is the greatest feeling, or feeling it is the greatest experience but choosing the perfect adjective to describe it is close to impossibility. I want to convince myself that love could be found in a place where you can take a bath in a sea of sweets without the risk of complications that would come for ingesting too much of it. But the reality is, too much sweetness can give you diabetes. The greatest mystery of love is how it works alongside the bitter, sweet, sour and salty experiences of life.

***

I saw Brokeback Mountain for the eleventh time in my lifetime last night. I never heard the words, "I love you" between Jack and Ennis.

***

Damn you hypothalamus.

Best Filipino Films of 2007

2008-01-10T06:13:00.000+08:00

My Nominees:

BEST PICTURE:

Win:TRIBU

Nominees:

AUTOHYSTORIA

CONFESSIONAL

ENDO
FOSTER CHILD

***

BEST DIRECTION
Win: Brillante Mendoza (Foster Child)
Nominees:
Ruel Dahis Antipuesto/Jerrold Tarog (Confessional)
Jim Libiran (Tribu)
Raya Martin (Autohystoria)
Aureus Solito (Pisay)

BEST SCREENPLAY
Win: Jim Libiran (Tribu)
Nominees:
Ralston Jover (Foster Child)
Jade Lopez (Endo)
Dennis Marasigan (Tukso)
Lino Tanada (Hanggang Dito Na Lamang At Maraming Salamat)

BEST ACTOR IN A LEAD ROLE
Win: Sid Lucero (Selda)
Nominees:
Jason Abalos (Endo)
Nonie Buencamino (Hanggang Dito Na Lamang At Maraming Salamat)
Roeder Camañag (Kagadanan sa Banwaan ning mga Engkanto)
Ron Capinding (Still Life)

BEST ACTRESS IN A LEAD ROLE
Win: Cherry Pie Picache (Foster Child)
Nominees:
Irma Adlawan (Tukso)
Sharmaine Buencamino (Prinsesa)
Glaiza de Castro (Still Life)
Ina Feleo (Endo)

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Win: Soliman Cruz (Tukso)
Nominees:
Pen Medina (Ataul For Rent)
Publio Briones (Confessional)
Emilio Garcia (Selda)
Crispin Pineda (Lalake Sa Parola)

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Win: Eugene Domingo (Foster Child)
Nominees:
Ermie Concepcion (Prinsesa)
Jaclyn Jose (Ataul For Rent)
Ara Mina (Selda)
Candy Pangilinan (Apat Dapat Dapat Apat)

BEST EDITING
Win: Confessional
Nominees:
Autohystoria
Endo
Pisay
Tribu

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN
Win: Pisay
Nominees:
Batanes
Maling Akala
Kagadanan sa Banwaan ning mga Engkanto
Still Life

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Win: Kadin
Nominees:
Batanes
Blackout
Maling Akala
Still Life

BEST SCORE
Win: Kadin
Nominees:
Altar
Haw-ang
Still Life
Tribu

BEST SOUND
Win: Tribu
Nominees:
Confessional
Resiklo

BEST SHORT FILM
Win: Rolyo by Alvin Yapan
Nominees:
Nineball by Enrico Aragon
The Calling by Christopher Gozum
Misteryo ng Hapis by Mark dela Cruz
Gabon by Emmanuel dela Cruz

We Are Equal Partners In A Mystery

2008-01-08T04:34:00.000+08:00

Each time you'd pull down the driveway
I wasn't sure when I would see you again
Yours was a twisted blind sided highway
No matter which road you took then
Oh you set up your place in my thoughts
Moved in and made my thinking crowded
Now were out in the back with the barking dogs
My heart the red sun
Your heart the moon clouded
I could go crazy on a night like tonight
When summers beginning to give up her fight
And every thoughts a possibility
And the voices are heard but nothing is seen
Why do you spend this time with me
Maybe an equal mystery

So what is love then is it dictated or chosen
(handed down and made by hand)
Does it sing like the hymns of 1000 years
Or is it just pop emotion
(handed down and made by hand)
And if it ever was there and it left
Does it mean it was never true
And to exist it must elude
Is that why I think these things of you
I could go crazy on a night like tonight
When summers beginning to give up her fight
And every thoughts a possibility
And the voices are heard but nothing is seen
Why do you spend this time with me
May be an equal mystery

But you like the taste of danger
It shines like sugar on your lips
And you like to stand in the line of fire
Just to show you can shoot straight from you hip
There must be a 1000 things you would die for
I can hardly think of two
But not everything is better spoken aloud
Not when I'm talking to you

Oh the pirate gets the ship and the girl tonight
Breaks a bottle to christen her
Basking in the exploits of her thief
Shes a very good listener
Maybe thats all that we need
Is to meet in the middle of impossibility
Were standing at opposite poles
Equal partners in a mystery
(handed down and made by hand)

When You Think About It, Most of the Greatest Films Are Those That Constantly Make Us Realize How Sad and Depressing Life Is

2008-01-07T23:22:00.000+08:00

... And I can't think of any film in my favorites list that doesn't pinch me to think that life is painful. Even my favorite "comedies" Sideways, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Chicago and Little Miss Sunshine have their own knack for depression. And its bewildering how films that we consider of good caliber are those that give us the emotional roller coaster ride. It doesn't end in film. Who will not consider the musical score of Finding Neverland or Joni Mitchell's song "Both Sides Now" magnificent creations without the sadness patting our backs? What about reading Emily Bronte's "Wuthering Heights" without shedding a tear, or viewing a painting or a photograph that moves you in a way you can't explain, then suddenly you just a felt something bursting in your heart?

The experience of art is somehow an affirmation that to be able to satisfy ourselves, we need to feel sadness and that's how art works, and in my case I always feel nirvana through films. The film has the power to knock my head and show my life in the big picture. But at times I just think of film as an assurance for us that we aren't alone in experiencing the biggest troubles in the world, and seeing characters experiencing their pain validates us that. And no matter how bad our experiences get, it will always be an inspiration for another work of art.

I don't want to convince myself that pain is the source of art, but I think I have to agree with it. And it's living an artist's life is art in itself.

To conclude this post, I'm going to share some sad scenes from some of my favorite films.

1. Love Actually

2. American Beauty

3. Brokeback Mountain

4. Closer

5. Magnolia

6. Sideways

7. Finding Neverland

How Life Has Been So Complex

2008-01-07T03:21:00.000+08:00

"Don't expect me to fulfill every need in your life. I cannot be everything to you. Everybody needs love, but I cannot alone give you all of that. You need to get some from your friends, from your family, and YOURSELF. Love yourself first before loving me."

--- B

It hurts. Because it's the truth.

I Need My Life Back

2008-01-02T23:51:00.000+08:00

I just need it now.

Gasp!

2008-01-02T21:23:00.000+08:00

My favorite band, Maroon 5 is coming to Manila on March 5, 2008! Ok, that's a Wednesday night but I don't care. Hahaha! That would be my perfect post-22nd birthday gift (which happens on the last days of February).

I need to have those tickets now!

Ticketnet failed me, though. Need to wait.