This Isn't the Last Day

What if at this very moment, God has whispered you that your last 1440 minutes started ticking? What will you do with the remaining time of your life?

I have recalled the day when my GMRC (Good Manners and Right Conduct) teacher asked this question to our class. Wow! I am in a middle of an oral exam realizing that I know absolutely nothing. I am just in Grade 5 then. I crossed my fingers and started praying and hoping not be called. My teacher examined her class record and said that she will be calling only students whose surnames beginning from A to C. I am doomed. I was in the list.

What a pretty interesting but tough question. It is a great challenge for a 9-year old like me to think that my hourglass is almost facing emptiness. I strategically listened to what my other classmates have said. One said that he would pray and thank God, for the life He has given to him. (I think a whole day of praying without working is boring, but I know he will surely get credit from doing it.) Another one said that he would bid goodbye to all of his loved ones for the very last time. (Creepy, isn’t it?) I am still on the verge of critical thinking when my teacher uttered my name. I do not know what drove me to speak: “I will get out of this classroom, cut class, go straight home, kiss my mother, watch cartoons, sleep… and if I still wake up, I am lucky. If not, at least I have kissed my mother.” I do not know how my teacher probably liked my answer for she gave me a 98 for that.

Because of that unforgettable day, I have already acquired the way of answering questions sometimes, in an out-of-context but full-of-wisdom manner. Luckily, I am still here today … strong and alive!

Recalling an event of seven years ago has built a bridge to what I am now today. Though I know that I have not filled all the gaps of my personality, at least I have built a bridge that will lead to my own good. That question might have changed the way I answer about things in life and thankfully, I have already grown more maturely. I might probably give a better answer to that question now. Do not stop discovering about you. I am not telling you to think the way I am, but to know more who you really are.

Build a bridge that will lead to you and the other persons around you. Do not let those gaps eat you.

Let’s say I could give you the chance of putting yourself into my own shoes I was wearing seven years ago and you were asked the same question… what answer will you give?

Originally titled, "The Last Day To Live"
Originally published in my column, "Bridges and Gaps" of The Bosconian Forum
-23 September 2003-

Hope There's Someone

Christmas time is the third most perfect time to get sentimental, being New Year’s Eve ranking as second and my birthday as the most heart-wrenching. No one in our family can be considered a devout Catholic, although my mom and my sister are very spiritual persons, but I always look at Christmas Day as a family bonding experience. It’s very seldom during the past years that every member of my family is present. For four years I lived away from home for college but eventually worked and entered graduate school after earning my bachelor’s degree. My sister, on the other hand, is living on her own in an apartment in our hometown in San Jose del Monte, Bulacan while working as a physical therapist in our municipal hall. My brother is working seas and countries apart from us, in Saudi Arabia. We are not technically complete this year because my brother isn’t here with us but for sure, we’re celebrating with him.

Year 2006 has been a very important year of my life, but I will stop with the details here because I am intending to spoil everything in my year-ender report on December 31. The only thing that I need to mention here is that this is the first time that I’ve experienced the role of Santa Claus. The initial feeling that tickled me upon the idea that I will now become the giver of presents than the usual receiver was horror! I can’t believe that even the sole idea of searching for the perfect gift for your loved one is a very spiritual journey. You traverse your body through a mammoth of bodies, diving for the perfect jewel which you believe will convert your receiver’s frown to a smile so wide it will reach South Africa. I believe in the notion that when you look for a gift, “it’s the thought that counts.” It doesn’t really matter whether you give any of the phones in the line of the Nokia N-Series or you hand a bar of Snickers which will eventually turn to fecal matter to your loved one.

As for the moment, my cellular phone is drastically being flooded by Christmas messages from friends: grad school friends from UP, college friends from Don Bosco, officemates from Iweb, high school friends from FHLA and a lot of people who do not fit to any groups mentiones above but are definitely my friends. It’s wonderful how you live each day wondering what life has to offer, with a chunk of strangers falling in front of your face who will become a significant character in your journey through life. It doesn’t really matter how big or small his/her presence contributed to your direction, your life will always be different without him/her who walked past through you.

I look at life as if I have a permanent writer’s block: you look at the blank paper, let your story haunts your head for long but you just can’t put those ideas into written words. Feeling of blankness haunts your helplessness towards immortality. No matter how much you plan how situation A will lead to situation B, situation C and D or probably Q are in the process of jolting down your consciousness, turning your writing process into kaput until you can’t write the story anymore.

Life itself is a chunk of never-ending shocks and surprises. It’s not easy to tell to yourself: “I will live where my life will take me.” I think that’s a very rhetorical statement. You live your life but your life directs how you want to live your own life. But frankly, that’s my motto. And I can’t even understand how I formulated that. All I know is life is a mystery in itself. We didn’t choose to live but we are here now emerging in a dog-eat-dog world, celebrating Christmas, enjoying the great imbalance of life as I munch on cups of noodle salad, slice of roasted chicken and ham and cheese sandwich, bowl of green pasta, indulging myself until I reach food orgasm, while on the other side of the our block there are a number of families who probably haven’t eaten breakfast. As I’m getting problematic where in hell I’m going to get funds to finance my short film and music video project, a number of people are scrounging, looking for ways to find at least a comfortable place to sleep away the night. Oh God, what’s happening to me? Why I am saying this at Christmas?

As I’m writing this, miles away is a person whom my affection embraces to. This person knows that I like him, and I like the way how he accepted me, how he assured me that his treatment won't change but I know that everything is bounded only by friendship. The scenario that I am initially envisioning will never push through, because I respect him. The idea suck for quite a while, but then I realized that what I’m initially thinking isn’t necessary after all because we still have ourselves for each other no matter what, but deep inside I can't hide my frustration to myself. Maybe I’m still not convinced that I can live churning formality out of my system. But friendship is always something that I can really treasure more.

Merry Christmas! I wish that you celebrate this day without that much things to think about. It’s not easy to be nuts.

Originally written:
24/12/2006
11:58PM ... and in two minutes Christ will be born and love will be spread once again
I wish I could catch a single dose.

"Fare Thee Well" by Indigo Girls

Just turning sentimental and emotional. Please bear with me.

Fare thee well my bright star
I watched your taillights blaze into nothingness
But you were long gone before I ever got to you
Before you blazed past this address

And now I think of having loved and having lost
But never know what it feels like to never love
Who can say what's better when my heart's become the cost
A mere token of a brighter jewel sent from above

Fare thee well my bright star
The vanity of youth the color of your eyes
And maybe if I'd fanned the blazing fire of your day-to-day
Or if I'd been older I'd been wise

Too thick the heat of those long summer evenings
For a cool evening I began to yearn
But you could only feed upon the things which feed a fire
Waiting to see if I would burn

Fare thee well my bright star
It was a brief brilliant miracle dive
That which I looked up to and I clung to for dear life
Had to burn itself up just to make itself alive

And I caught you then in your moment of glory
Your last dramatic scene against a night sky stage
With a moment so clear that it's as if you're still before me
My once in a lifetime star of an age

So fare thee well my bright star
Last night the tongues of fire circled me around
And this strange season of pain will come to pass
When the healing hands of autumn cool me down

Dedicated to Monay.

Best Music Videos of 2006

I know this is too early to roll my dice and reveal all my favorite music videos for the year 2006, In case I'll discover another good video coming on the next few weeks which will topple my top seven, then I need to adjust. Here is it:

1. "Sa Dulo ng Dila" by Pupil

Impressively shot in digital video (Pana 24p cam), the music video perfectly complimented the beauty the song beholds. Simple yet bewildering concept, the use of colors, focus on corners and abrupt seqence shifting equate to visual poetry.

2. "Pag-alis" by Barbie Almalbis

The metaphor between a marionette being manipulated by a master puppeteer and a human driven by intense emotion makes perfect sense.

3. "Sugod" by Sandwich

With an MTV Pilipinas Best Video Award tucked on its belt, this video really deserved such title. Packed with excellent production design (check out the beat of the lights) and flawless editing, the music video gives the song much higher level of energy.

4. "Panalo" by Color It Red

OK, the whole song is basically about that fobidden leaf but that doesn't mean that the video sucks. (Well, as the song implies, I can't find anything wrong about that herb as long as one is intelligent enough not to abuse it.) The vivid usage of slow motion and image morphing totally rock.

5. "Bitiw" by Spongecola

Spongecola is definitely not a newbie in nourishing its listeners and viewers with interesting music videos. The very minimalist "KLSP," though not that impressive in its technical aspects, brought its stand point a notch higher for serving us an impressive nausea. "Gemini" is definitely breathtaking and "Jeepney" is a heartbreaker. "Bitiw", on the other hand, is simply a visual candy for an upbeat song, as evident on its entirely computer graphic-aided video.

6. "Wait Forever" by Gary Valenciano

Another video that vaguely gives an open-ending story. Why is Gary trekking that long distance by foot whereas he can ride a car? And where is he going? Why didn't we have a chance to take a peek to the person behind the door? Nah, we don't need to go there actually. Everything seems like symbols, and I like it if something gives me the chance to speculate and fill in gaps for myself.

7. "Pag-agos" by Up Dharma Down

A microscopic take to a chaotic world and self realization. Enough said.

8. "Martyr Nyebera" by Kamikazee


9. "Avenue" by Daydream Cycle



Honorable Mentions:

"Endless, a Silent Whisper" by Urban Dub
"Doo Bidoo" by Kamikazee
"Jeepney" by Spongecola
"Job Well Done, Now" by Ciudad
"Taralets" by Imago

Da Mundo op Da Barok is Bilog

Note: Officially copied and pasted from Laurie's blog. Don't butcher her. I love this girl oh so much.

Ay em istraybing beri match harder to koreknes my gramatical rongnes, yu noww? It's becoz ay am go tu da yunibersity of the country op the pilipins, yu noww? Layk, ay heb sow meni clasmeyts prom powbeyda, roodwose, asapmsyon, end iben sam porm di atiniyo (ay don noww way dey kol it arr-nee-yow, yu noww?) and gu lasal, yu noww? Layk, dey ar ol so match soshal with der spowkening dalars end starbukos, yu noww? Layk, der wass dis wan taym I wass dringking instanteynyus kopi in EyEs, layk, its eys-eysd kopi, end ders dis grup op priti gerls woking, yu noww? Layk, dey wer priti and dey hed eys-eys starbuko kopi op da barayti ay kenat iben pronawns karektly, yu noww? Layk, haw du yu sey dat ba, layk prapuchino? Its layk chinobela, yu noww? Dat ay ken releyt tu, yu noww? Layk, ep-por, kim saan dulo ng walang hanggan...

Eniwez, so der. Ay em beri match imprubing on may oral end annal (layk, da annals of confusion. Yu ha, yu tink bastos tots) english iskils, yu noww. Layk, ay praktis a lat mor nawadays. Layk, ay heb dis prend hu gru ap in di canada, end layk, ay tok tu her in english coz her tagalog is beri match wors dan may english, ay tels yu now, yu noww? End ay beri match aprishiyet her helping me learn so match, yu noww? Layk, naw, ay ken layk, yu now, conberss a litel wid her, yu noww? Bat mowst op de taym, aym layk, "da, ano, yu noww?" Yu noww?

Da rison way ay em rayting dis blag post layk dis, yu noww, is dat it is herting dip insayd wid in me to rid sam post hus meyking hertpul remarks to barok pipol layk me. Yu noww, its hard por as to be wid da tayms, layk, meyking uso. Bat its owkey, ay anderstan, yu noww. Coz tru ar misteyks, we lern, rayt? Yu noww?

Bat den der ar dis byutipul pipol, dis inteligent pipol hu nowws lerned english spowkening dalars end starbuko hu... ay don noww. Meybi dey meyk pan op us who noww less english, rayt? Dey ar olso meyking barok to der english end den dey lap. Ahh, ay don noww, yu noww?

So ay kol on to ol da lerned byutipul pipol hu nowws end spiks end rayts english well beri match, istap meyking barok yor english so wil be eybold to yus owar english carectly. Yu noww? Help yu help as.

Intercon Manila Party

Party at Intercontinental Manila, night of December 14, 2006. Just sharing.

Welcome to Intercontinental Manila

David and Angel wearing sophisticated black

Oh yeah, and I'm the lucky guy

David and Ichie

Foursome of Stephen, Angel, Anne and David

Jay-R Performing with Dee

Two blacks and two whites

Given na yun ...

Pool party ... not!

Marooned

I'm a certified sucker for handling and keeping caps. It's a rough estimate that I've already lost a grand total of a dozen caps in the past two years. In fact, I've lost another piece last night in an FX. Stupid me for not wearing my cap althroughout my commute. Well, I can't blame my hair and scalp while they whisper on me pleading for oxygen. As for the moment, I only have one cap in possession - my director's cap (or, I don't know what it's really called... it's more of a beret) which I have bought last night as replacement for the same type of cap that I have lost a week ago. Confusing, eh?

A week ago, I was tagged by my classmates to join Jules in her shooting for her short film assignment in our production class. The location was set in Intramuros and Manila Bay and the meeting time was 6 AM. I just came from a gimmick with my officemates-friends and I creeped in our dorm around 4AM. I originally planned not sto sleep at all but my powers wouldn't allow me anyway. Goodness gracious, I woke up at 630AM and welcoming me was eight text messages from Jules that they are already waiting outside the Ipil Dorm since 545AM! Like Speedy Gonzales, I jumped out of bed, grabbed my towel and toiletries and spewed water in me at the bathroom in a record-breaking five minutes (or probably less than that)! Without any time to waste, I decided not to style my hair anymore, which will require half an hour to comb my hair and messing it afterwards, and just grabbed my maroon "director's cap." Actually, I fell in love with that director's cap the first time I saw it. My friends commended my look upon seeing me. At least, they weren't angry that I'm late.

That's why I felt very devastated when I lost it in a taxi way back home. That's the only cap which I have lost that I felt really sorry for myself. But I stood up, with fists waving in the air, more than motivated to find another exact copy! Finding it might be impossible but in this waned universe, I believe that some things are destined to be connected with their owner. Once they're lost they will find their way back.

So my journey of finding my cap is terribly a long one. My first three days is a failure, the sales persons didn't even know what I am talking about. As if it was a miracle, I found the last stock in this clothing apparel's branch at SM Fairview! It's one of the most grateful moment in my life (Ok, that's a hyperbolic statement but really, I'm very happy!). Too bad, the cap that I'm wearing last night lost again. I now promise that I'm going to take care of Rickey (I've decided to name my cap for sentimental reasons) more and I will assure him that I will buy him some company (another cap) next time, which I will give my best to not get it lost again.

Butchering Idol Hopefuls (The Final Verdict)

This performance gave Mau Marcelo the title of the first Philippine Idol. Very deserving!

A Project To Die For

It's a mixture of melodrama and delirium when my professor in Film 112 (Lyle Sacris) announced that he is planning to screen our would-be final projects in a commercial movie theater aside from our beloved Cine Adarna. If that plan will pursue, that will essentialy be a very important point in my life. I believe there's nothing more uplifting for a filmmaker to see his sweat and tears (I mean, film) being projected in a commercial theater while witnessing the varying reactions of the audience. And what make this future event more important is that this will be a first time for me. I'm really wishing that this plan will face actualization. Well of course, the announcement has added pressure to us, students, because this means that we need to give more than a hundred percent to come up with a very commendable project. Sayang naman ang venue kung pangit naman ang gawa di ba? As of now, the class are considering Robinson's Galleria and Gateway. SM Cinemas are out of the picture because R18 flicks cannot be screened. The Cultural Center of the Philippines and National Center for Cultural and Arts are also in the picture.

On the other side, I'm also excited with my midterm project because I'm going to shoot a music video for a music legend (a band, not the Eraserhaeds for obvious reasons, but this band that I'm going to shoot has taken the route of independence. I'm not yet in the position to spoil their name because I'm afraid that things might happen out of plan). It's an honor that they have entrusted a very beautiful song for me to interpret to video. The only problem is that I don't have that much fund to give them a very fancy music video, so I'll be relying purely in concept. I wish that I'm going to pull this off. Who knows, if they liked it you might see my work in MYX and MTV Pilipinas. Haha, wishful thinking!

By the way, I'm still having problems with the required camera (aaaargh Panasonic DVx100 24p 3ccd Camcoder or Canon XL2) which I will be using in the production of my music video and short film. I searched through the Net and I've learned that one camera costs at least Php 100,000! Goodness gracious! So, I think my only resort is to rent a camera on a day-to-day basis, which in average costs Php 3,000 to Php 5,000 per day! Sheesh. I wish someone could help me.

Oh well, I'm still excited.